Have you ever felt like everyone else got the manual for life—and somehow you missed it?

Not just a manual, but a neatly formatted PDF, bullet-pointed and highlighted?

I remember catching up with an old friend from university years ago when I traveled back home. He was serene, joking easily, ticking every box: stable corporate job, big house with a pool table upstairs, two kids, a circle of friends grilling every Saturday afternoon in his garden.

I didn’t envy his life exactly, but I envied the clarity. It was as if someone had handed him the “How To Be an Adult” guidebook, while I was still fumbling with snooze buttons and forgotten passwords.

Back then I was going to German classes late into the evening—just so I could follow the parent meetings at my daughter’s school. My coaching practice had maybe one client here and there. The coffee on my desk was always cold, the sticky notes curling at the edges. And the same thought looped through me every day:

“You should have figured out your life by now!”

Walking home after my German class, I’d ask myself the same question I had after seeing my friend:

"Where’s my manual?"

And maybe—just maybe—the truth is:

there is no universal manual.

Some of us are just wired to find direction in a different way.

The Problem

We’re told from childhood that clarity comes from knowing:

→ knowing exactly who you are,

→ knowing exactly where you’re going,

→ knowing exactly what your plan is.

And if you don’t know? You feel like a failure.

The Cause

But here’s the twist: not everyone’s sense of direction comes from inside them. For some of us, identity and direction are fluid. They shift depending on who we’re with, what environment we’re in, what season of life we’re walking through.

That doesn’t mean you’re lost. It means your clarity is relational. It shows up through people and places — not in isolation.

The Solution

Instead of forcing yourself to “just know” who you are or where you’re headed, try this:

→ Notice which environments bring out the best in you.

→ Pay attention to the people around whom you feel most like yourself.

→ Allow direction to emerge through your life, not in spite of it.

Because sometimes your path isn’t a straight line you draw on paper. It’s a field you enter — and the right people, the right places, start shaping you.

Next Steps

Stop punishing yourself for not having the manual. Start experimenting with what supports you:

• Which spaces give you energy?
• Which people expand you instead of shrinking you?
• Which choices make you feel lighter, more authentic, more at home in yourself?

That’s your compass. Not the one you were told to build — but the one you were always meant to follow.

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Without clarity, every "yes" costs $$$ more.

Follow me Alexandru-Daniel Mitu @ Human Design Psychology for more insights.